{"id":3353,"date":"2013-07-10T12:29:56","date_gmt":"2013-07-10T16:29:56","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/acro.net\/blog\/?p=3353"},"modified":"2013-07-10T16:05:45","modified_gmt":"2013-07-10T20:05:45","slug":"owned-by-google","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/acro.net\/blog\/owned-by-google\/","title":{"rendered":"Owned by Google"},"content":{"rendered":"

Google went down.<\/strong><\/a><\/p>\n

For millions of us in the Civilized World, that was a disaster akin to a nuclear accident – a blinding digital meltdown.<\/p>\n

I was left stranded downtown, my Google Glass nothing but a useless, expensive piece of plastic; the “Unable to connect<\/em>” message flashing ominously straight into my retina.<\/p>\n

My GPS maps could not render a Google Earth street view and all of a sudden the city looked unfamiliar, unfriendly, impossible to navigate.<\/p>\n

Sweating, I realized that my email was looping endlessly, trying to sync itself to the Gmail servers. I should have shown Microsoft’s alternative more love, I thought to myself.<\/p>\n

My friends contacted me using Facebook Chatheads, as Google Hangouts was offline. Those with Google phone numbers went offline as well, isolated from the rest of the world.<\/p>\n

Six minutes and thirty seconds into the digital blackout, I switched from Google wireless to my backup mobile provider and called home.<\/p>\n

“Where are you? What’s going on? Google TV isn’t streaming anything, I had to switch over to local TV stations and it says Google went offline, how is this possible”,<\/em> said my wife.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

I tried to calm her down, but I wasn’t calm myself.<\/p>\n

“Don’t panic, I’ll be home as soon as I can, all self-driving Google cars are offline right now. Please stay calm!”<\/em> I exclaimed.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

There was so much chaos in the streets, you could see the panic in people’s faces as they removed their Google Glass and looked at each other in astonishment.<\/p>\n

I removed mine reluctantly, feeling oh so naked and vulnerable without it projecting information and receiving my commands; like a captain on a ship with a broken wheel and torn sails.<\/p>\n

Nineteen minutes and four seconds after Google went offline, the lights around town flickered, then the familiar “G” logo re-appeared on the advertising screens.<\/p>\n

There was a short pause, then “All Google Services Online<\/em>” flashed across every digital device in town. My Google Glass vibrated, then chirped happily, downloading email messages. “You are 0.4 miles off your appointment address, calculating new route”<\/em> said the Google mapping feature, as I put the headset back on.<\/p>\n

People looked familiar again, nodding their heads and tapping the side of their Google devices; on occasion whispering commands to the little Google genie inside the machine.<\/p>\n

I felt alive again, complete, secure, safe – owned by Google, controlled and guided by the Big G.<\/strong><\/p>\n

After flagging down the next self-driven Google cab I headed home to assess the psychological and physical damage that nineteen minutes of Google downtime had created.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Google went down. For millions of us in the Civilized World, that was a disaster akin to a nuclear accident – a blinding digital meltdown. I was left stranded downtown, my Google Glass nothing but a useless, expensive piece of plastic; the “Unable to connect” message flashing ominously straight into my retina. 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