Almost halfway through the week – swine flu jokes

With the week almost at midpoint, I had a fun one-hour session on twitter, with regards to humoring the fears of swine flu epidemic. Consider this to be my first (and hopefully not last) session of twitter stand-up comedy.

All the jokes below are mine. If you don’t like them, I will gladly refund your ticket price. But considering how Francois of Domaining.com actually laughed and DM’ed me about compiling them in a post, I think that I’ve at least won France over.

But then again, who hasn’t! 😀

First place to be hurt by swine flu: hot-dog stands in NYC. People will be asking for a chicken taco instead.

Please don’t RT swine flu comments, we don’t need to be infected via twitter !

If I sneeze and snort at the same time, is it swine flu?

The more I post about swine flu, the more followers I get. That’s how flu is spread in the first place.

If you’re ultra-orthodox Jewish, you’re safe against swine flu. It’s not kosher.

Disney HQ bans “Three Little Pigs” movie as a precaution against the swine flu.

Big Bad Wolf now sports a surgical face mask to protect himself against the swine flu.

Women calling ogling men “swine” now feel more empowered.

Porky Pig on FBI’s Most Wanted list!

If the deli person sneezes on my porkchops, is this a swine flu outbreak?

Side-effects of swine flu: having as much mucus as a pig ejaculates. And that’s a *lot*.

Feel free to RT my swine flu jokes. Or not. Spreading swine flu via twitter can be dangerous.

“Stop eating like a pig!”, said my wife. I said, “I have the swine flu, I can’t help it.”

I asked the NYC hot-dog vendor for a pork sandwich. “Are you crazy?”, he said. “Chicken or beef only, orders of mayor Bloomberg.”

I realized I have http://HitPig.com . Should I drop it or risk infecting my other domains?

I knew fried porkchops were unhealthy, now they are lethal. Swine flu is no joke.

Ladies, avoid Cancun in Mexico – on spring break, men act like pigs. You may catch swine flu.

Airplane meals: Would you like the e-coli pasta or the swine flu pork?

“Porky’s” movie banned as a precaution against spreading the swine flu virus.

Swine flu symptom: stuttering like p-p-p-p-p-porky p-p-p-p-ig.

Attempted robbery with a lethal weapon: robber sneezed on the bank teller and asked for money.

Major domain conferences to face fewer crowds due to swine flu. That, and sucky domains on auction.

I registered a “swine flu” domain. “Are you crazy?” said my wife. “You’ll get your portfolio infected”. So I let it drop.

ICANN to allow .flu TLD in order to register the ultimate swine.flu domain.

After I started this “swine flu” joke session, I lost two twitter followers. Hopefully, not to swine flu.

Thanks to “swine flu”, Susan Boyle’s popularity dropped. A virus with good taste?

A guy sneezed on his wife – gets arrested for attempted murder. Can’t do that when swine flu is around the corner.

To be treated for swine flu, apparently you need some oinkment.

Three men walk into a bar…wait, no more swine flu jokes?

Careful when registering .MX domains. Make sure they are screened for swine flu.

ICANN to quarantine the entire .MX Registry for fear of a global swine flu epidemic.